Archive | 4:01 pm

Vegan Turducken Redux

22 Nov

My sister is planning a post for later today, but she won’t be able to get it up until she’s done being Miss Viola Swamp, so in the meantime I thought I would respond to the flurry of activity on our blog this past week.  And no, it hasn’t all been Martha Stewart’s lawyers.

You see, the  list of popularly used search terms that lead unsuspecting researchers to our blog indicates that scores of in-laws are preparing to host their children’s vegetarian significant others this Thanksgiving.  And what is it that they are planning to prepare?    Why Vegan Turducken, of course.  And we are the authoritative internet (redundant much?) source for this recipe.

So, while you await my sister’s return to her Miss Nelson persona, here’s that recipe for you one more time:


One of my very favorite blogs is Yammie’s Noshery.  You should really go read it, but not right now, because I promise you, if you start reading you will not come back here.  Especially if you are hungry.  Her food is delightful and her writing is indulgent.  Yesterday, I felt a little like Yammie because . . .

I invented the ultimate fruit.

I know what you’re saying, “inventing a fruit seems like a job for God.”  You’re right, in fact I’m pretty sure He already created this gem.  Before the fall this juicy wonder was probably growing twelve months out of the year around the Garden of Eden.  You see, I imagine cherries had no pits in Paradise, because that would have been, well, the pits.  Instead, I think they had blueberries.

That’s right.  When Eve bit into a sweet cherry she didn’t crack her tooth, or need to produce an unladylike seed spew.  Instead those perfect pearly whites sank right through the yummy cherry flesh, into a blueberry and then exited through more cherry.  Perfectly, perfect.

Wanna see how I recreated this fruity flavor bomb?  Here’s a picture:

And here’s the recipe:


1 cherry (I prefer the Golden Sweet because I don’t pretreat my children’s clothing)
1 blueberry

Pit cherry.  Lift the flap of the cherry’s exit wound and insert blueberry.  Fold flap back over fruit.  Eat.  Repeat.

Okay, now go drool over Yammie.