My life would be easier if . . .

. . . Peter knew his head extended above his eyes.

. . . Simeon didn’t drink my coffee.  Or Jerry’s.

. . . Abers looked less cute when he admitted to washing my cell phone, locking Jerry out of the house, stabbing his baby brother in the eye with an action figures’ sword, spraying room freshener in our bedroom, and tying knots in my necklaces.   All in the past 24 hours.

. . . Mo Willems wrote a new book every day.

. . . marbles had never been invented.

. . . the Bible were in alphabetical order.

. . . my sister lived next door.

. . . Thomas had never heard either the Grand Rapids Lip Dub or Weird Al.

. . . all seven of the people in this house wore exactly the same socks.

Welcome to our extremely humble abode.

. . . our boys had never learned to use scissors and tape.

. . . our boys had never shown an interest in Interior Decorating.

. . . if I could blog in the shower.  Don’t worry, that technology seems a ways off.  Although, maybe that’s what Abe was working on with my phone.

Vegan Turducken

One of my very favorite blogs is Yammie’s Noshery.  You should really go read it, but not right now, because I promise you, if you start reading you will not come back here.  Especially if you are hungry.  Her food is delightful and her writing is indulgent.  Yesterday, I felt a little like Yammie because . . .

I invented the ultimate fruit.

I know what you’re saying, “inventing a fruit seems like a job for God.”  You’re right, in fact I’m pretty sure He already created this gem.  Before the fall this juicy wonder was probably growing twelve months out of the year around the Garden of Eden.  You see, I imagine cherries had no pits in Paradise, because that would have been, well, the pits.  Instead, I think they had blueberries.

That’s right.  When Eve bit into a sweet cherry she didn’t crack her tooth, or need to produce an unladylike seed spew.  Instead those perfect pearly whites sank right through the yummy cherry flesh, into a blueberry and then exited through more cherry.  Perfectly, perfect.

Wanna see how I recreated this fruity flavor bomb?  Here’s a picture:

And here’s the recipe:

Bluecherries

1 cherry (I prefer the Golden Sweet because I don’t pretreat my children’s clothing)
1 blueberry

Pit cherry.  Lift the flap of the cherry’s exit wound and insert blueberry.  Fold flap back over fruit.  Eat.  Repeat.

Okay, now go drool over Yammie.