Tag Archives: quotes

Tomorrow’s Weather Forecast

23 Nov

As you prepare for your feasts, Thomas has this Thanksgiving wish for for you:

May your day be filled with a Tornado of Food.

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On Sports

2 Oct

A game update from the peanut gallery:

The score of the Lions’ game is like 71 to 3.  Or maybe 17.  Anyway, the bad guys are winning even though none of us are voting for them.  They might be the grand winners. I call them bad guys because you know how sometimes they’re evil?  They are.  But I think the Lions are warming up.   They almost got 15 points, but instead they only got three, because sometimes in games you don’t get extra points.   – Thomas

Regardless of how colorful he may be, I don’t think he has a future in commentating.

It's hard to imagine what he might be thinking about baseball.

Middlings

17 Sep

While I could hardly say that our oldest and youngest children were quiet this week, it was the three in the center that provided that most memorable noise, er, I mean, quotes:

“I think I know why they call it recess, because we don’t get to play, we have to solve problems.”
Thomas, analyzing the new Sibling Squabble Reduction Rule that allows the boys to earn a  sticker for every day they make it through morning recess time without coming in to report a fight or unfairness.

“Races are only for cars, not for people.”
Abraham, struggling to catch up with the Brothers in the middle of mile 11 of the Children’s Marathon.  Mile 10 was brought to us by a very pitiful, “I don’t like The Mile. ”

“Oh no.  I can’t see at all in the dark!”
Abraham, prior to his first optometrist appointment when I explained to him that the doctor was going to check his eyes to make sure he could see okay.

“Can we go sledding?”
Thomas, recess on the first 55-degree day of the school year.

“Wesha bleda floply blooo da.”
Abraham, who attains language skills by watching the Twins.
“Abe, you should stop speaking Spanish.   I’m probably the only one who understands it.” 
Thomas, who attains language skills by watching Imaginext in Frenchuguese.

“No”
“I know”
“Oh no”
“No, no.”
“N-O.”
Cecilia, who attains language skills by watching her mother.  Although Thomas is the one who taught her to spell.

“The Most Popular Farm in the WORLD”

3 Aug

My boys created it. This morning. Our living room. It’s super super popular. The most. In the world.

What makes such a popular farm? A few things. Firstly, one must have a “Hard To Find” section. This portion of the farm houses some of the most hard to find species (it’s certainly no misnomer). Like what? Well, how about 2 dinosaurs? Seen any of those lately? Hard to find. Also, the elusive Super Gigantic Bat lives within the walls of the HTF section. I haven’t seen one of those in captivity in YEARS. Lastly, and really, most crucially, one must must MUST have a dinosaur/SGB wrangler. Meet Michelangelo. He’s a pro. His wages are astronomical, but he’s worth every slice.

The HTF

I'm glad you've got him under control, Mikey.

I’ve done an extensive interview with the creator of the next section:

The Baby Cage

According to the Baby Cage Architect there are some components necessary in creating a “safe” and “happy” place in which baby animals reside. The first of these components are “lots and lots of poles”. What do these poles do? How do they protect the young ones at such a delicate stage of life?

“The poles collect all of the electricity and energy together and gather up all of the tornadoes and lightning to keep the babies safe. It’s for distractment and destroyment.” – BCA

Whew.

Also, an important entertainment component of the BC is the many television screens on which the babies “get to watch The Princess Bride EVERY DAY.” How lucky are they? I can only imagine Baby Tiger saying “No more rhyming and I mean it!” while Baby Rhino finishes with “Anybody wanna peanut?”.

Won’t this farm be amazingly popular??? You bet. Oh, wait. I forgot the most important element in popular farm formation – a pile full of really cute boys:

Pardon the absence of Architect #4. Farm creation is exhausting and a construction induced nap was a necessity.

Weird, two.

11 Jul

Stacy had a most excellent post about weird things people say and believe.   Some brilliant facebook friends suggested some of their favorites:

“Blackberry Vanilla is my favorite flavor” – when speaking of candles and other things of smelly nature.  Last time I got lotion in my mouth I was not pleased.
“It’s always the last place you look.” – Well, I’d hope so, it would be pretty silly to keep looking after you found it.
“It is what it is.” – because if it weren’t it’d not be what it isn’t, or something like that . . .

But beyond, “Oh!  You have Twins!  A boy and a girl.  Are they identical?”* I was kind of coming up short with ideas of my own.

Then Mom reported in the comments of the blog that she and Dad had seen a billboard in Minnesota for “Daniel’s Body Shop with 24 Hour Toe Service”.  That got me thinking about some of the weird things that I’ve seen around.  Like my sister, I’ll try to protect the weird parties’ identities so as not to step on any tows.

“Cheero’s Sports and Sushi Grill” – (pointing my finger at the new restaurant down the street every time I drive by)
‘Sushi’ and ‘Grill’ are two words that do not belong side by side.  And this does not even begin to touch the weirdness of the name “Cheero’s.”  I’m pretty sure the place used to be “Hero’s” and before that, “Champ’s.”  My only question is where did they get the extra ‘e’, or did I miss a dining establishment in there somewhere?  It’s a lot like the Clarion Hotel where we used to stay in Omaha that oddly became the “Clarino”  and then “Carol Inn” under new managements.

“A Better Place to Live” – (I’ll try to be discreet here as I point my finger to a town slightly “East” of Grand Rapids)
This is really what it says on the sign outside their city building.  Don’t get me wrong, I love this well manicured burg.  Their high taxes provide us lowly GR residents with some fabulous services, and I suppose it’s good that they’re owning up to their “we’re better than everyone else” reputation, but it’s still too vague.  Better than what?  The garbage dump.  Oh wait, that brings me to the next weird entry:

Exclusive Garbage and Recycling” – (pointing my finger to the picture from the 4th of July Parade in previously sited city.)
I think it’s weird that these people even have trash.  But take note Excessively Gorgeous  Residents, if you have Eggs, Granola or Radicchio that aren’t locally grown and organic, don’t put them out for this blue truck.  I’d probably also steer clear of Equate brand, other Generics and Ramen noodles.  Maybe you should stick to throwing away Escargot, Guccis and Rolexes.

Also, isn’t it weird that there is a garbage truck in a parade?  I did not allow my children to pick up the candy.

“Jesus Sets the Captives Free” – (a billboard on I-35 somewhere in Oklahoma. )
Okay, it’s not the weirdest thing to see as you trek up the highway, except the sign continues with these words: “Joe Bob’s Bail Bonds.”  This is the most extreme case of WWJD I’ve ever seen.

As before, please feel free to comment with your own weirdness, or better yet, the weirdness of others.  Knowing we’re surrounded by weirdness makes us feel more normal.

Or weird.

Or normal.

*We really have had this question.  Three times.  The most memorable was a couple who had been playing with the babies for at least 20 minutes when the husband asked.  Before I had a chance to swallow my guffaw, avoid eye contact with my sister, and come up with a non-condescending answer his wife replied, “No, honey, they don’t look anything alike.”

Weird

6 Jul

Here are some weird things I’ve heard people say, believe, and claim. At least they’re weird to me. I’d like your take, as well. I will try to be discreet in my identification of these people, as I don’t want to throw anyone under the weird bus.

“Chocolate and Coffee come from the same plant.” – (discretely pointing my finger at my husband)

This is just wild misinformation,  folks. However, this fallacy has been a truth in his brain for as long as I’ve known the poor darling. I’m happy to report that it was finally rectified last week when two elderly zoo docents set my fellow straight.  Whew.

 

“Plaid is my favorite color.” – (discreetly pointing my finger to my sister’s blog gravitar)

Weird, right? I mean, weird. Plaid? Really? This may be untrue as of late. I’m going to make the bold assumption that her new favorite color is Oatmeal/Spitup/Crayola Camouflage. I love that color, too.

 

“Once again Immunity is back up for grabs.” – (discreetly pointing my finger at my friend Jeff Probst)

Redundant much, Jeff??? C’mon. I blame the producers for his grammatical foibles.

 

“Boy, that baby has a lot of hair. You must’ve had some horrible heartburn when you were pregnant.” (manically pointing to the lady at Walmart rubbing my son’s head)

Okay, I know that some of you have heard this one as I was recently informed of its wive’s tale status. I’ve had four red, hairy babies (who, if I didn’t know better, could certainly be the offspring of Esau) and this is the first I’ve heard of it. Based upon this one I have to assume that my sister was faking her supposed debilitating, prescription-needing heartburn. Her babies all sported just the right amount of peach fuzz. And peaches, my friends, do NOT cause heartburn. They’re a gentle fruit.

 

“I eat my peas with honey/ I’ve done it all my life/ It makes the peas taste funny/ But it keeps them on my knife”  – Dad (no use being discreet here)

I know many of you have probably heard this dandy number. Charming, right? I don’t mean to give credit to the wrong guy. I know this isn’t freshly squeezed from my father’s mind grapes. (Anyone get the reference??) It is, however, just a snippet of the many quips, quotes, and puns that this man can spout out at the drop of a pea. (Ask me for his clever original riddles sometime. You’ll be impressed.). Why is this on my weird list? Well, spend a meal with Dad and you’ll get it.

 

I’ll stop here, friends. I’ve realized in racking my brain for things that I think are weird that I may step on a toe or two and that just won’t do. (I was a poet and didn’t know-it. Ha!) What do I want from you? Your weird things. Please. Let me giggle at with you. And remember, I trust your judgement. Now, wile me with your weirdness.