Weird, two.

Stacy had a most excellent post about weird things people say and believe.   Some brilliant facebook friends suggested some of their favorites:

“Blackberry Vanilla is my favorite flavor” – when speaking of candles and other things of smelly nature.  Last time I got lotion in my mouth I was not pleased.
“It’s always the last place you look.” – Well, I’d hope so, it would be pretty silly to keep looking after you found it.
“It is what it is.” – because if it weren’t it’d not be what it isn’t, or something like that . . .

But beyond, “Oh!  You have Twins!  A boy and a girl.  Are they identical?”* I was kind of coming up short with ideas of my own.

Then Mom reported in the comments of the blog that she and Dad had seen a billboard in Minnesota for “Daniel’s Body Shop with 24 Hour Toe Service”.  That got me thinking about some of the weird things that I’ve seen around.  Like my sister, I’ll try to protect the weird parties’ identities so as not to step on any tows.

“Cheero’s Sports and Sushi Grill” – (pointing my finger at the new restaurant down the street every time I drive by)
‘Sushi’ and ‘Grill’ are two words that do not belong side by side.  And this does not even begin to touch the weirdness of the name “Cheero’s.”  I’m pretty sure the place used to be “Hero’s” and before that, “Champ’s.”  My only question is where did they get the extra ‘e’, or did I miss a dining establishment in there somewhere?  It’s a lot like the Clarion Hotel where we used to stay in Omaha that oddly became the “Clarino”  and then “Carol Inn” under new managements.

“A Better Place to Live” – (I’ll try to be discreet here as I point my finger to a town slightly “East” of Grand Rapids)
This is really what it says on the sign outside their city building.  Don’t get me wrong, I love this well manicured burg.  Their high taxes provide us lowly GR residents with some fabulous services, and I suppose it’s good that they’re owning up to their “we’re better than everyone else” reputation, but it’s still too vague.  Better than what?  The garbage dump.  Oh wait, that brings me to the next weird entry:

“Exclusive Garbage and Recycling” – (pointing my finger to the picture from the 4th of July Parade in previously sited city.)
I think it’s weird that these people even have trash.  But take note Excessively Gorgeous  Residents, if you have Eggs, Granola or Radicchio that aren’t locally grown and organic, don’t put them out for this blue truck.  I’d probably also steer clear of Equate brand, other Generics and Ramen noodles.  Maybe you should stick to throwing away Escargot, Guccis and Rolexes.

Also, isn’t it weird that there is a garbage truck in a parade?  I did not allow my children to pick up the candy.

“Jesus Sets the Captives Free” – (a billboard on I-35 somewhere in Oklahoma. )
Okay, it’s not the weirdest thing to see as you trek up the highway, except the sign continues with these words: “Joe Bob’s Bail Bonds.”  This is the most extreme case of WWJD I’ve ever seen.

As before, please feel free to comment with your own weirdness, or better yet, the weirdness of others.  Knowing we’re surrounded by weirdness makes us feel more normal.

Or weird.

Or normal.

*We really have had this question.  Three times.  The most memorable was a couple who had been playing with the babies for at least 20 minutes when the husband asked.  Before I had a chance to swallow my guffaw, avoid eye contact with my sister, and come up with a non-condescending answer his wife replied, “No, honey, they don’t look anything alike.”

Weird

Here are some weird things I’ve heard people say, believe, and claim. At least they’re weird to me. I’d like your take, as well. I will try to be discreet in my identification of these people, as I don’t want to throw anyone under the weird bus.

“Chocolate and Coffee come from the same plant.” – (discretely pointing my finger at my husband)

This is just wild misinformation,  folks. However, this fallacy has been a truth in his brain for as long as I’ve known the poor darling. I’m happy to report that it was finally rectified last week when two elderly zoo docents set my fellow straight.  Whew.

 

“Plaid is my favorite color.” – (discreetly pointing my finger to my sister’s blog gravitar)

Weird, right? I mean, weird. Plaid? Really? This may be untrue as of late. I’m going to make the bold assumption that her new favorite color is Oatmeal/Spitup/Crayola Camouflage. I love that color, too.

 

“Once again Immunity is back up for grabs.” – (discreetly pointing my finger at my friend Jeff Probst)

Redundant much, Jeff??? C’mon. I blame the producers for his grammatical foibles.

 

“Boy, that baby has a lot of hair. You must’ve had some horrible heartburn when you were pregnant.” (manically pointing to the lady at Walmart rubbing my son’s head)

Okay, I know that some of you have heard this one as I was recently informed of its wive’s tale status. I’ve had four red, hairy babies (who, if I didn’t know better, could certainly be the offspring of Esau) and this is the first I’ve heard of it. Based upon this one I have to assume that my sister was faking her supposed debilitating, prescription-needing heartburn. Her babies all sported just the right amount of peach fuzz. And peaches, my friends, do NOT cause heartburn. They’re a gentle fruit.

 

“I eat my peas with honey/ I’ve done it all my life/ It makes the peas taste funny/ But it keeps them on my knife”  – Dad (no use being discreet here)

I know many of you have probably heard this dandy number. Charming, right? I don’t mean to give credit to the wrong guy. I know this isn’t freshly squeezed from my father’s mind grapes. (Anyone get the reference??) It is, however, just a snippet of the many quips, quotes, and puns that this man can spout out at the drop of a pea. (Ask me for his clever original riddles sometime. You’ll be impressed.). Why is this on my weird list? Well, spend a meal with Dad and you’ll get it.

 

I’ll stop here, friends. I’ve realized in racking my brain for things that I think are weird that I may step on a toe or two and that just won’t do. (I was a poet and didn’t know-it. Ha!) What do I want from you? Your weird things. Please. Let me giggle at with you. And remember, I trust your judgement. Now, wile me with your weirdness.