Tag Archives: adult acne

Checked Out

14 Feb

On this St. Valentine’s Day I wish to share with you a heart-broiling story of admiration and age-inappropriateness.

See, the other day I was checking out at my favorite retail center. No, you’re wrong. Although I’ve flaunted an obsessive affection for Walmart*, my true discount loving heart is at its happiest within the walls of Target. Do you feel better now?

So, anyway, there I was having my at-home hair dye (GASP) scanned by the late-teenish/early-20ish clerk when he engaged me in the following dialogue:

CLERK (Let’s call him “Boy With Infected Ear Rivets” -BWIER): You’re going to dye your hair???

ME: Yeah…….

BWEIR: Why?

ME: Roots, you know. See? (This is where I lean in to actually show him my roots. Quite probably this is also my undoing. I’m as prone to revealing too much about myself as my sister.)

BWEIR: They don’t look too bad. (Flirting initiated)

ME: No, see the white? There’s white. A lot of it.

BWEIR: I see white hair, I see a woman. (So overt!)

ME: I see a woman with four kids. (Emphasis on “four”)

BWEIR: NO! you’re too young. (Obviously heart-broken)

ME: Nope.

BWEIR: But, you don’t look old enough! (Spread it thick, kid. Spread it thick.)

ME: Oh, but I am. Remember the white hair? (Leaning in again! Lock it down, Stacy!) The hair dye? (What about the Super Mario Bros. stickers I was buying?!?!?!)

BWEIR: But your face…..(awkwardly LONG pause)……….it’s young. You have a really young face. (I knew that adult acne would pay off somewhere)

ME: Yep, well, thanks. (awkwardness) Have a good night.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!? Wow. Wowee wow wow. Oh, to be on the receiving end of unrequited love. It’s rough, I tell you. Rough.

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