Archive by Author

Checked Out

14 Feb

On this St. Valentine’s Day I wish to share with you a heart-broiling story of admiration and age-inappropriateness.

See, the other day I was checking out at my favorite retail center. No, you’re wrong. Although I’ve flaunted an obsessive affection for Walmart*, my true discount loving heart is at its happiest within the walls of Target. Do you feel better now?

So, anyway, there I was having my at-home hair dye (GASP) scanned by the late-teenish/early-20ish clerk when he engaged me in the following dialogue:

CLERK (Let’s call him “Boy With Infected Ear Rivets” -BWIER): You’re going to dye your hair???

ME: Yeah…….

BWEIR: Why?

ME: Roots, you know. See? (This is where I lean in to actually show him my roots. Quite probably this is also my undoing. I’m as prone to revealing too much about myself as my sister.)

BWEIR: They don’t look too bad. (Flirting initiated)

ME: No, see the white? There’s white. A lot of it.

BWEIR: I see white hair, I see a woman. (So overt!)

ME: I see a woman with four kids. (Emphasis on “four”)

BWEIR: NO! you’re too young. (Obviously heart-broken)

ME: Nope.

BWEIR: But, you don’t look old enough! (Spread it thick, kid. Spread it thick.)

ME: Oh, but I am. Remember the white hair? (Leaning in again! Lock it down, Stacy!) The hair dye? (What about the Super Mario Bros. stickers I was buying?!?!?!)

BWEIR: But your face…..(awkwardly LONG pause)……….it’s young. You have a really young face. (I knew that adult acne would pay off somewhere)

ME: Yep, well, thanks. (awkwardness) Have a good night.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!? Wow. Wowee wow wow. Oh, to be on the receiving end of unrequited love. It’s rough, I tell you. Rough.

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Mush and Eye Rolls

4 Feb

Today is my oldest nephew’s 8th birthday. And as there are very few things I can do from 12 hours away to aid their family during this difficult time, of blogging I am able. So, Simeon, I hope you don’t mind, but this goofy (his words, not mine) aunt is butting in today.

You know those few really poignant moments that you have in life during which a feeling erupts that you didn’t even know was possible? 8-ish years ago, after a harrowing, snow-blind, 14-hour drive in a compact car with 3 other adults, I lugged my 32 week pregnant self across drifts, through a questionable emergency room, up a sterile elevator into a shocking vision of love and completeness. There, at a little after midnight on February 5th, I witnessed a sleeping family.

A family.

The picture, thankfully, is tattooed into my memory. There were three people in that room. THREE! I can still see that shockingly beautiful bald head silhouetted against his labor-exhausted mother. It was as if he had been dropped magically into existence. And (I’m sorry, Simeon, I’m going to get mushy), I loved him painfully and immediately. That little boy, although my nephew, created the mother in me.

Thank you, my sweet first nephew. And Happy Happy 8th Birthday. I love you. (Okay, buddy, you may proceed to give me that famous eye-roll.)

An Aunt and Her Nephew

Peaches

18 Jan

Why this picture? Well, it’s never a bad thing to remind oneself of one’s supposed “active lifestyle”.  (…like  being forced into a run during Christmas break. Stupid.)

But, That’s not why I’m posting this picture. Who needs to motivate the masses? Not I. No, not I.

What do I need? I need to discuss that sampler behind our heads. “Carolina Peaches”. Hmm. That’s odd. From where did this sampler come? Carolina, perhaps? I don’t know. I’ve never been. Has Mom? Does she have a secret life down south that’s best explored in cross-stitch? Also, aren’t peaches largely from Georgia? I feel like there’s some sort of secret message here. Our mom is hiding something from us. I just know it.

 

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I’ll take your advice

13 Jan

Do you know what I love? Book recommendations. Love them. Do you know why? Because if someone is passionate enough about something to actually recommend it then it must be worth at least a glance. Don’t you agree?

For instance, the book I’m reading now, To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis, was a Facebook status recommendation. One of my friends just threw it out there. So I picked it up. Why not? The only thing I knew was that this particular friend liked it. What didn’t I know? I didn’t know whether she and I had similar literary taste. She’s an intelligent gal and she doesn’t give a book recommendation every other day, so I felt like this book deserved my time. And let me tell you, a charming read it is. Wonderful. Clever. Interesting. Makes me chuckle. Great recommendation.

Now, I suppose that not every paperback plug is going to be as wildly successful as the one I just mentioned. But what I love about taking a literary suggestion is that I’m bound (get it?) to stumble upon at least SOMETHING interesting because SOMEONE found it just that. Hey, I may even glom onto a new genre obsession. How great is that? Expanding my horizons and that whole bit? Good stuff.

So that’s it. Tell people what you love to read. Make a suggestion on your status. Tweet about it. Recommend something to your pew-mate. Carve your favorite book in a bathroom stall. Buy a billboard and use that. Pass out “I ❤ Atticus Finch” buttons.  We can all benefit from a little reading recommendation.

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Uhhh……

12 Jan

Thing I Love: ………….

Nevermind.

Thing I Hate: Brain Block

Sorry about the strong language, but it’s true. I hate not having something to say.

Since Christmas I have desperately been trying to reach into the depths of my mind for words with which I might amuse. Thoughts with which I might thrill. Diatribes that deliver meaningful sentiment and ponder-provoking points.

Alas, the well is dry. The keg is tapped out. The milk jug has nary a drop. (I must be thirsty….)

See that? It's me. Doesn't it look just like me? It does.

So, I am going to do what I do best. I am going to rely on my strengths and ignore my weaknesses. I am going to whine.

I’m good at that, right?
Here it goes:
WHERE ARE MY WORDS?!?!??!?!? Contrary to the above proof, I can’t find those little guys. And I REALLY can’t find the big fellas. What’s a blogger to do? Oh, right. Whine. We’ve been over this. I’m writing in circles, and as much as I love that particular shape, rotund writing is rather flat.

Writers out there (as I presumptuously put myself in your group), has this happened to you? Do you ever get dumb? What do you do? Let’s turn this post from hate to love. Give me something I can use. I love that. Go.

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2 Winners.

6 Jan

Hey there. It’s been awhile. I’d like to ensure you that my brain hasn’t been entirely on sabbatical. How am I to do this? Well, I don’t have tangible proof. There’s been no observable gray matter growth. Alas, my hair hasn’t even gotten any bigger. I do, however, have a book (or 3…) on which I can report. Also, at the end of this post I will be announcing our First Ever Giveaway Winner! Tune in, all ye who entered (and even those who didn’t), so we can crown the FEGW in our wildly scientific and professional way.

On to my book report.

The Hunger Games Trilogy. Suzanne Collins. Read them. It is my belief that this series can be universally enjoyed. Seriously. No matter your taste in literature – these are for you. I’m not even kidding.

How have I settled upon this bold opinion? Well, there’s this: my beloved and I both adore them and we have very different literature leanings. Example? He’s Neverwhere. I’m Guernsey Literature and Potato Peel Pie Society. He’s Lord of the Rings. I’m No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. He’s Dune. I’m Pride and Prejudice. Get it? So the mere fact that we both are doting on this trilogy is huge. It’s happened before, sure, but you must be prepared that when we light upon corresponding keenness for a book I will recommend said book to THE WORLD. Yes, the world.

Also, there’s this: Collins has taken a familiar dark plot (think Jackson’s “The Lottery”) and spun it in a way accessible and relatable to many levels of readers. She combines angst, action, citizenship, social standing, death, murder, singing, politics, starvation, tragedy, fashion, likable characters, despicable characters, in-between characters, and high drama in a never-stop-reading stew.

Oh, and there’s love, too. A triangle. A unique, tragic, heart-tugging love triangle.

There. Universal appeal.

Now, THE MOMENT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!

In a completely random, names-on-slips-of-paper and drawn from a generic coffee can method, we have determined our FEGW to be…….

That says "Carissa".

Congratulations. We’ll be in touch and you, Carissa, will shortly be receiving The Very First Christmas by Paul Maier.

A Bag Full of Christmas Cheer

24 Dec

It is Christmas Eve!

In celebration I grabbed two of my favorite elvish groupies for today’s grab bag.

Get it?

I grabbed them.

See? It’s funny.

Because today is GRAB Bag Special Saturday.

Yes? Yes.

So, take a cue from me and grab some of your favorites elfin companions (appropriately, of course) and give them a Christmas Eve Cuddle.

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Excuses. (And pouting, too)

20 Dec

Today’s real reality is that I don’t have the time or energy to post because I was up too late watching the finale of my favorite false reality on Hulu. Another season of Survivor in the books. Nothing better to get one in the Christmas spirit, right? Sure.

And also, I don’t know about any of you, but my Christmas to-do list is unreasonably long. Yours?

Also, I forgot.

So that’s it. It doesn’t get any realer than this, friends.

SO, as an apology I’ll post some sort of really great picture. Hold on a sec while I search my hard drive for just the right thing. I’ll be right back……..Alright, here it is, and I feel as though it is particularly appropriate because it is also slowing me down. Or rather, its opposite is what has me dragging my festive feet. I am super bummed about the lack of snow in our Christmas forecast. I think I’ll just sit and pout about it and do nothing else.

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

15 Dec

Thing I Love: The little things (Christmas style)

Today I have a laundry list of things I love. Laundry, shockingly enough, is not one of them. Here we go.

Walmart*: I’m pretty sure I’ve done this one before. If not, I should have. Judge if you will, but this place does our family such a service. It’s price-matching alone saves us billions of dollars every week. Yes, billions. The mere fact that I don’t have to cart my boys over the river and through the woods to every sale-touting grocery store is a brilliant gift. Today was a special day at our favorite bargain barn, as their staff was Out Of this Discount World helpful. The photo man rushed my one-hour service. My clerk ensured I price-matched items of which I had no prior knowledge. And today I got car side service. Yes, one of their employees donned winter apparel to assist me with my cart-ful of groceries and little boys. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Christmas Carols: Yeah, I know. Everyone loves these. But they are playing a unique role in my 3-year-old’s world these days. We are regularly regaled with completely original Carol Mash-ups like “Up on The Holly Jolly Housetop” and “Jesus is Coming to Town”. He’s also been fitting little lines from these songs into his daily communication. The other day he beguilingly asked me “Won’t you drive my sleigh tonight?”, and last night as he was saying good night to AJ and I he wished us “a merry Christmas and a happy new year”.  And often he gets confused by dated lyrics. He regularly sings of “the timings of Christmas”. Good timing.

House Guests: Because I rarely allow people exposure to our chaotic abode, hosting TWO get-togethers in the next week has me cleaning and organizing places I had forgotten existed. Today I was excited to find a savings bond gifted to my 3-year-old upon his birth 3-ish years ago. I was also super pumped to know that I had not one, but 4 bottles of Zyrtec. Oh, and opened dark chocolate doesn’t age well. Just an FYI.

Sweet Potatoes and allrecipes.com: These candied tubers are on sale a lot these days. In addition to making loads of Henry food I have found a muffin recipe that pleases each of my male minions (and some that aren’t mine). Try them.

Christmas Carols: What? I did this already? Ah, well. Bear with me. This time our incessant listening has created in our Eldest a love of The Jackson 5, because of this song. We’ll let the young Michael Jackson play a role in his life. Why not?

This blog and its readers (Hey! That’s YOU!): When my sister and I landed on the idea to do this blog I had no idea how much joy it would bring me. I find comfort in the wise, silly, and creative antics of my sister. I love collaborating with her. It’s almost as though she doesn’t live 11-ish hours away. I also love sharing my life with others who so respectfully and kindly take part. Thank you.

So, that’s it. My cup of cocoa runneth over.

Inborn Greed (and pudgy hands, too)

14 Dec

Okay, I know. It’s too too cute, right? Tooooooo cute. I’m just impressed that his propensity for gift opening is so obviously innate.