Thou Shalt Not LEGO (registered trademark)

30 Nov

Let’s get two things straight right up front:  I love God.  I love LEGOS®.

Goodness, writing that makes me think that God deserves all-caps and a registered trademark, or something.  Greek, maybe?

Despite my love of these things I’m a little cautious about the combination of the two.  As it stood, the LEGO® Star Wars™ Advent Calendar stretched my understanding of the building blocks of the liturgical year far enough.  But then my children brought this home from the library.


The book is by “”The Reverend””  Brendan Powell Smith.  Please note the double quotation marks, I just want to make it clear that I am simply quoting his quotes.  I do not think that punctuation mark means what he thinks it means.

The Reverend

Mr. Powell Smith has a “calling” (once again, his word, not mine) to illustrate Bible stories with plastic bricks.  He’s done over two hundred, but despite his expertise, it would seem that even this self-ordained expert finds some limitations within his medium.  For instance, festering boils appear to need the aid of a photoshop physician.

Festering Boils

And animals must be tricky.  Most four-legged creatures in the stories bear a close resemblance to Dr. Who’s K-9.K9 Passover Lamb

But somewhere along the line “”The Reverend”” got his paws on a Lego cat, because Pharaoh’s kitty nudges her way onto multiple photo spreads.  Maybe Hermione’s Crookshanks somehow apparated on the scene.

Pharaoh's Cat

He does get bonus points for his creative use of the drowning horse that I bet he assembled using that elusive piece from the Godfather Lego Set.Horse Head

And I don’t think this falls into the animal category, but, are those dragons on top of the Arc of the Covenant?

Ark of the Covenant

He probably should have considered adding a PG-13 rating to the book for sexual content, nudity and violence.  Transparent red bricks flow on many a page.  True Old Testaments artists don’t shy away from blood and guts.


And the yellow flesh is shocking.  First,  Pharoah’s daughter is bathing in the river.  I hate to throw around labels, but can you say ‘flat chested?”

Naked Bath

Later she gives Moses back to his mother for a little topless nursing.  Uncomfortable, and not just because they are squarish plastic objects.

Nursing Moses

And, I’ll admit, talking about the sixth commandment with children is always awkward, but I don’t think this helps.

Sixth Commandment

But it’s not all bad.  The bright side of this book is that I will never again feel compelled to sweep the kitchen on Sundays.

Sabbath Slay

Even if it means I have step on a LEGO® or two.


4 Responses to “Thou Shalt Not LEGO (registered trademark)”

  1. thelifeofapinterestreject November 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    OMLego…I am laughing so hard I am crying…you have really written of the best things I have read all year…

    • Christina Joy November 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

      Thank you, that’s the kind of comment I expect to hear on January 1, but this close to December that’s really flattering! 🙂

  2. David Fleming November 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm #

    Weren’t adulterers stoned to death not hung? And Christina! Sunday is NOT the Sabbath day. Good grief, that’s sunset Friday to sunset Saturday. Otherwise this was a quite humorous.

    • Christina Joy November 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

      I think I’ll avoid sweeping all weekend long, just to be on the safe side.

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