A Decree from Mother Disgusted

17 Jan

I know what's going through your head, and it isn't "Gloria in Excelsis Deo." Well, maybe it is.

On this, the 17th day of January in the year 2012 it has become necessary to remind the inhabitants of our humble abode of certain disallowances.

This annual ban, who’s humble beginnings date back to the unfortunate summer reading of “Junie B. Jones:  Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! P.S. So Does May” will be reinstated every January until the youth of the family are able to control their holiday ear-worms.

The aforementioned ban took effect following the 12 Days of Christmas, on January 6, 2012, but due to an increasingly large number of infractions a formal reminder of the ban must be put in place.

The ban includes, but is not limited to:

  • all singing, humming, screaming, and rhythmic inference of Jingle Bells.
  • spontaneous performance of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
    —This portion of the ban encompasses all Christmas carols contained in the Straight No Chaser arrangement of the counting song.
    —Please note that while technically a Hanukkah tune, Dreidel,  Dreidel, Dreidel will not be tolerated in its original form, or the more Christmasfied “Cradle, Cradle, Cradle . . .” version which has received so much popularity in our home.
    —The singing of Rains Down in Africa will be assessed on a case by case basis.
  • the blaring Latin refrain “Gloria in Excelsis Deo.”  However, a gentle, head voice singing of this most sacred of angels’ songs will be tolerated and possibly even encouraged, especially on Sunday mornings, and usually in English.
  • any audible reference to  seasonably inappropriate music as determined by persons over the age of 18.

 

The above ban will be lifted on the first Sunday of Advent, December 1st, or with the arrival of a large tree inside our walls.  The exact date will be determined by the generosity and patience of the parentage of the household.

All attempts to request an early lifting, or violations of said ban could result in the extension of the prohibition until the official start of the Christmas Season.  The Official Christmas Season begins at Midnight December 25, 2012.

 

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4 Responses to “A Decree from Mother Disgusted”

  1. agnusdei1996 January 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm #

    Love it. 🙂 (wish I couldn’t quite relate, but so it goes. . .)

    • Christina January 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm #

      Feel free to apply the ban as needed in your own home. I will even take the blame. I can handle it.

  2. kaethe January 17, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    Love it too. But for the record, “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells…” is quite possibly the best Junie B. book ever. Seriously, the squeeze-a-burp?

    • Christina January 17, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

      True, although we missed our window of opportunity for another reading. It will just have to wait another 11 months, I tell you.

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