Holy Coaching, Batman!

9 Sep

In a perfect storm of over-zealous-father ticket buying and babysitter availability my college football obsessed husband and I were able to attend the first Husker home game (Goooooo Biiiiiiiiiig REEEeeeeed! Go! Big! Red!). It was a big day for me as I hadn’t been to a game since me ol’ college days ten-ot years ago. There are many things I could say about “Stacy’s Big Day at Memorial Stadium” (as coined by almost everyone there), but I don’t want to be overly ME-centric. (That’s the norm, right guys? Right? C’mon, folks!) I would, however, like to share with you the inspiration given to A.J. and me by one fan whose plastic Husker commemorative cup was definitely half empty (and I’m sure his pre-game tailgating cup was completely empty). This particular game attendee was blossoming with big red Husker flowers of wisdom (most of which would mar the virtues of this blog). My favorite?

“A 2-YEAR OLD COULD CALL BETTER PLAYS!!!!”

Hmmm. Interesting. A.J. and I HAVE a 2-year old. We could really put this theory through some intense expert analysis. What WOULD happen if Charlie was in charge of Husker play calling? Let’s explore this. Okay, now picture My Beloved playing the role of Charlie and me playing the role of all football players in the following scene. Go. Oh, and I’m going to be using a gruff football player-y voice. Got it? Great.

SETTING: Memorial Stadium, Husker sideline, Husker Offense is about to take possession of the ball

TAYLOR MARTINEZ (He’s the quarter back. In my mind the QB is the one who asks about plays. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. I’ve never been on a football team. Isn’t that weird?): Coach, what’s the play?

CHARLIE: I’m Batman

TM: What’s the play, Coach?

CHARLIE: No, I’m Batman

TM: Uh….. (This is a normal response for young Martinez. Based upon interviews I’ve heard with him I’ve determined  that he’s not the most eloquent chap. And that’s OKAY! Seriously. I judge not.)

OTHER PLAYER (Jared Crick, maybe? Wait – I don’t even know if he plays for the offense. You know, it doesn’t matter – he’s just trying to be helpful in this scenario and helpfulness doesn’t take sides.): Okay….BATMAN. What’s the play?

CHARLIE: Who are you?

JC: I’m Jared

CHARLIE: No. Who ARE you?

JC: Jared Crick

CHARLIE: I’m Batman.

JC: Yeah……

CHARLIE: Who are you?

JC: Ummmmm, I guess I’m Robin.

CHARLIE: Yep. You’re Robin.

JC: Great. So, what’s the play?

CHARLIE: Say “What’s the play BATMAN”.

JC: *sigh* What’s the play, Batman?

CHARLIE: I’m thirsty.

So, maybe a 2-year old couldn’t call better plays. Were you  there? Did you watch on the Big Ten Network? Were the plays alright? Was Captain Negative Spectator correct? Could Charlie have done better? I don’t know. We won. 40-7. If Charlie had been down on  that sideline might the score have been 87-0? It might have…You be the judge. (Remember, I judge not.)

Happy Game Day.

Batman calls for a touchdown.

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